Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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