You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
