I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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