im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
