The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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