Got a toothbrush?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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