Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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