i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
