He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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