i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she pinky promised me she was 18
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize