Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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