So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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