omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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