I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
