hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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