I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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