the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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