We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
