I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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