I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
