you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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