really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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