to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
