We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
