Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
