Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
