don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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