i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
