we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
