I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
