don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
