So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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