My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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