just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
