hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
