Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize