i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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