I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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