I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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