i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The power of my boobs compel you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
