the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
