Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
