i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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