dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
