I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
