I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
