After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
