don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
