My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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