She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
