I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize