That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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