Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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