no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
