Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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