my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
