Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
