My room smells like vodka and shame
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
