I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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