I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I smell stomach acid.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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