**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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