I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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