Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
