I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
