I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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