I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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