he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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