put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
