If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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