Sober January is a disaster.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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