My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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