i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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