It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
