That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
