do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
