after a month anything with tits is on the radar
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
