I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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