coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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