you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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