Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
