If that was your dad, he is hot
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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