my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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