you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
