i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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