Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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