are you so shy because you have an std?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
