i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
