the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
