Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
