I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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