I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
