my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
