the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
