Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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