DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
