batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
