I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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